Ramblings on back to work

We have nearly survived three weeks with me back at work.  The house hasn't been dusted since, laundry has piled up and we have picked up dinner from Hy-Vee or pizza more times than I would like to admit.  I  haven't blogged or taken very many photos.  But we have almost made it through July, an accomplishment that feels especially meaningful since it's the busiest month of work for me and I have now worked 12 straight days, with five left to go until I finally have a full day off.

I have had such mixed emotions and feel like I have handled the transition better than I thought I would.  Being too busy to worry or think too much about it has definitely helped.  And lack of sleep dulls emotions a bit - I spent a lot of time simply in survival mode, trying to not forgot anything at home or at work. 

Surprisingly, I have somewhat enjoyed getting back into a routine, interacting with coworkers/others and some of the organizing/planning I get to do at work much more than I thought I would.  But I can't pretend I don't miss my kiddos like crazy. And having to work all weekend, on Lily's birthday, is breaking my heart. This year she is starting to "get it." We have talked about her having a "happy day" and she answers "2" when we ask how old she will be. Sometimes I wonder if me missing her birthday could be one of her earliest memories? I feel so terrible just thinking about it and would give anything to spend the day with her - but simply can't if I want to have this job.  And I am pretty positive she knows how much I love her, I only tell her about a million times a day and try to show it in my actions, too.  At least that is what I am telling myself to make me feel better...

But despite the challenges of trying to "have it all" I know how lucky I am.  Two people close to me are both going through very different struggles and I am trying to be grateful for the things I have that I know others would give so much for.  At the end of the day, I am so thankful to have a job, and to work somewhere that has let me transition to part time (at least once this month is over), that provides me and my family excellent health insurance and helps our family live the comfortable life that we have, with a nice home, safe cars, clothes, food and fun things every now and then.  And I KNOW how blessed I am to have two healthy and generally happy sweet babies (yes Lily is still my baby!!) who mean the whole world to me. 

My desk at work... reminds me, need to bring more photos - one of all four of us especially - and some of Lily's art for the walls!

Wordless Wednesday: this is what 'back to work' looks like

Wordless Wednesday... Those summer nights