When I miss her the most

Not a day goes by that I don't think of mom and of course I miss her at the obvious time - her birthday,  St. Patrick's Day, Mother's Day and all of the holidays.  But those times, usually spent with family, often busy and hectic, aren't when I long for her the most. Honestly it probably sounds selfish but I miss her most when life throws me a big decision or a big change.  Her words and advice and simple support where the best things she gave me as a mother.   I miss just being able to pick up the phone and ask for her advice; she never failed to make me feel better.  It has been more than three years and sometimes I still forget I can't pick up the phone and call.  She was always there for me.

My 10 weeks of maternity leave are coming to an end and lots of questions about the future for our family are lingering.  I don't want to go into many details but we are making some though choices and thinking so much about the future.  I pray to my mom every day for a sign, for her guidance.  One of the hardest things about her being gone for so long is I am not sure what she would say.  We never got to have conversations about motherhood, the choices and sacrifices we make as moms.  I always wonder what she would say about me working - would she advise working and helping support my family?  Would she encourage me to find a way to stay home as my babies are only babies once?  Would she want me to follow my heart or my head?  In my heart the bottom line I know is she would support me and love me and me proud no matter what happens (I know that is how I would feel about Lily and Michael). 

This ring was one of the last gifts mom gave me and I try to let the words guide how we live.  However I still wish I could have her talk me through everything - these are the days I miss her the most.